Hi, I'm NicoleIf rest never actually feels like rest – this one’s for you
April cracked me open.
I thought I was resting… but I was still proving, still spinning, still performing stillness. Because the truth is, rest isn’t earned—and that belief was the very thing burning me out. This episode is a real-time reflection on what burnout can look like even when you’re not working — and what it actually takes to land in coherence.
Rest isn’t earned through performance. It’s not a reward for productivity. It’s your baseline. Your birthright. And until I fully embodied that, I couldn’t access the clarity, stillness, or presence I’d been chasing.
If you’ve ever found yourself exhausted from your healing, stuck in the loop even while slowing down, or disconnected even with all the right tools… this one’s for you.
Work with me 1:1
This 1:1 container is for the woman who knows there’s more.
Whether you’re just beginning or deep into the work but still stuck in a loop, this is for you if you’re ready to stop proving and actually land in your truth.
You don’t need more input — you need integration.
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Your awakening isn’t coming. It’s here. Hit play.
So let’s catch up. Let’s finally catch up. This episode is me cracking open. No tips, no strategies, just the truth of what April was for me, and honestly a bit of May too, as it’s now nearly the end of May, and this was meant to be April learnings.
But that in itself says something about rhythm, about surrender, about the sacred mess of building something new. If you’ve ever felt like you weren’t just resting, but dissolving, if you’ve ever been in your own cocoon era, this one’s for you.
Because April wasn’t a rest I earned, and that word earned, that was the problem. Rest isn’t something you earn, it’s not transactional, it’s not a prize for performance, it’s your baseline, your birthright.
That was the learning, the reckoning. April was a remembering, uncomfortable, frustrating, and deeply fucking clarifying. It unraveled me in the best and worst ways. I pulled tarot at the start of the month, as I always do.
Problem, solution, result, that’s my layout. And guess what it said? Loud and clear. Rest. To rest is the way, rest is the solution. Rest and you will get everything you desire. Did I listen? No. If I’d listened, really listened, I could have saved myself a lot of spiraling.
Maybe even gotten more done, which sounds backwards, I know, but it’s true. When you rest from the right frequency, time unfolds around you. But I didn’t. Because I thought I knew what rest was. I’d told myself I’d take the month off from content, catch up on courses, organize my systems, maybe get some clarity.
Instead, I burnt myself out. How is that even possible? Absolutely wild, because my business is still a baby. I haven’t even officially launched. Our first offers barely on the table. And I’ve already fried my system.
How is that possible? How? In my so-called cocoon, I didn’t rest. I just swapped output for input. I was binge-watching courses while cooking, filling notebooks with strategies I’d never implement, spiraling through frameworks and funnels chasing insights that didn’t land.
Because as a human design Manifestor, and as an intuitive, I see every pathway. I’m wired to see futures, timelines, possible realities, all the threads. I’ve got one toe grounded in now and two feet a mile ahead.
It’s visionary to see all possible options, but it’s fucking exhausting. To see every thread you could possibly walk at every given moment. It’s not clarity, it’s chaos. I mean, you try to follow all of them at once.
You don’t move, you spiral. I was clearly trying to prove something through all of the doing, through all of the inputting. To who? I was trying to build something. From what, though? Smoke from dust?
There was no anchor, no system, no grounding in me, no presence, just motion, constant motion. And I thought I was resting because I wasn’t outputting. Wasn’t working in the traditional sense. I wasn’t making content, wasn’t launching, but energetically, I was more activated than ever.
My brain was spinning, hyper on, no off switch. And then my dishwasher broke. The fucking dishwasher. Don’t even get me started on this dishwasher. Who knew that a broken appliance would become my greatest life’s teacher?
At first, I hated it. I hated this damn dishwasher. One person, one meal, and suddenly I was washing like I’d cooked for a family of six. Breakfast, wash the dish. Coffee, wash the cup. Lunch, dinner, snacks, wash everything — pots, pans, utensils — over and over and over.
Oh my God, it became so monotonous. I was literally dying. Pointless. Exhausting. I actually stopped eating at one point — just couldn’t be bothered. Cooking meant cleaning, and cleaning felt like punishment.
Every meal came with a consequence. Every act of nourishment demanded penance. I was so in my head, still inputting, still cramming, still trying to find clarity through motion. I didn’t even have the capacity to do the dishes.
That’s how loud the burnout had become. And then something shifted. Quietly. I don’t even remember when. One day I was standing at the sink and I remembered something I’d heard a girl say somewhere.
It was the silliest thing: “Give the dishes a bubble bath.” It wasn’t my original thought, but it surfaced like a gentle nudge placed into my mind. And somehow, it landed. I started giving the dishes a bubble bath.
I started imagining the dishes as little beings getting a soak. I stopped rushing through it, stopped attacking it like a task, and instead I let the silence in. And in that silence, I found something I hadn’t touched in weeks.
Doing the dishes became a break, a breath, a pause from the noise. No input, no output. Just one task, one moment, one breath at a time. And no surprise — that’s when I started to hear myself again. That silence — that’s what I’d been starving for.
Because to receive anything real, to access clarity, truth, downloads, you need neutral time. There’s active time, passive time, and neutral time. Active is outputting, passive is inputting, and neutral is stillness. Time. Nothing. Doing the dishes.
You need this time for clarity and downloads. To learn. To think. To integrate. And this? This was my only neutral time in the day. The only place where I wasn’t proving, pushing, processing. I was just there.
And then that old Zen parable dropped in. Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. So here we go. Before enlightenment, wash the dishes. After enlightenment, wash the dishes.
I’d read that line a hundred times before, but this time it hit different. This time it landed in my bones — because I had lived it. It stopped being a clever quote and became embodied truth. That parable, it lives deep in my bones now, in my soul.
It’s one thing to know something logically, but until it’s embodied, until it’s in your cells, in your soul, you don’t know it. You don’t. That’s what April taught me. I thought I was resting, but I wasn’t.
I was performing stillness. I wasn’t creating, but I was still cramming, still producing in disguise — trying to be productive in a way that looked different, but came from the same frequency. That’s the key.
It came from the same proving frequency. That frantic, ungrounded attempt to find truth. Clarity through movement. That subtle need to prove worth by output — not in public, but in private. Proving I’m doing enough. That I am enough.
And what I learned is that unless a lesson is embodied, it’s not truth. It’s not your truth.
Mid-month, I hit a wall. I had my QCA Intensive — Quantum Coaching Academy. Three days back to back, and because I’m in Australia, that meant midnight to 7am for three nights straight.
It was deep, heavy work. Neuro-linguistic programming, life coaching, hypnosis — one after the other, no rest. And then immediately after, my mum came to visit. So I went straight from shadow work into hosting mode. From subconscious reprogramming into: what are we having for lunch? Where are we going?
I was running on nothing. Below nothing. Zero sleep. Zero stillness. Just stacked exhaustion. And that’s when I was finally forced to stop.
We walked. We laughed. We had a mini-staycation. I caught up on all my smutty fantasy books — so many more to get through. And I let my mornings stretch out slow. No alarms. No schedule. Just breath, softness, and silence.
And that’s when all of the fucking clarity came crashing in.
Because it wasn’t content creation that was burning me out. It was the proving.
Trying to prove myself. Prove my worth. Prove I was ready. Prove I was healed. Subconsciously looping, over and over.
I had gone so far into my mind, into logic, into optimization, into self-improvement… that I forgot something essential:
I was already whole.
I didn’t need more input. I needed integration. I didn’t need more strategy. I needed embodiment.
Everything — even the sacred — had become a task. I was hypnotizing myself midday to get past limiting beliefs. Journaling like it was homework. Meditating to complete it, not to feel it.
Even my prayers had become checklists.
And this is what I want to emphasize, because I know so many people are going through this too:
When everything becomes a checklist, you’ve gone way too far into the mind.
At one point, I literally scheduled time to cry. I had a reading done and they told me I had a block — so I turned healing into a project plan.
Meditations to unlock psychic abilities? Check. Breathwork? Check. Ritual? Check.
My goal for the year is to live in devotion. To make my life a ritual. And I had built the containers to do it… but I wasn’t in them.
I wasn’t living the ritual. I was executing it.
Yes, I was still feeling. Still crying. Still releasing. But the experience had become intellectual. Mental. Just another thing to complete. I’d gone too far into the mind. Too far into logical striving and thinking.
And the coin flips both ways here. Some people go too far into the body — too much emotion, no structure, no will. But I was on the other side of that polarity.
The mind is the will — it gives direction.
The body is the channel — it moves emotion.
But the heart — the heart is the compass.
It’s the conductor. The coherence field. The bridge between Source and self.
You need all of it: will, love, energy, force — aligned, integrated, attuned.
Because embodied creation doesn’t come from parts. It comes from wholeness.
It’s not about mastering the mind, or regulating the body, or opening the heart. It’s about weaving all three into a living, breathing field of truth.
That’s what makes your system coherent.
That’s what aligns you with your creation code.
And I wasn’t coherent. I was fragmented.
I was trying to connect to the field through my third eye — bypassing the present. Floating up, unrooted. And I was frustrated. Because logically, I knew everything. I could see the pattern. I understood the loop. I knew the subconscious stories. I had the data. The awareness.
But nothing was shifting.
And that’s when it gets even more maddening — when you know the answer, and it still doesn’t land.
When you’re doing everything right, and it still doesn’t move. It’s like yelling into a void.
And then it started to shift.
Not because I forced it.
But because the signs started appearing…
And then it started to shift.
Not because I forced it. But because the signs started appearing.
First, I pulled my tarot spread for May. The message: bring heaven to earth. And if you know, you know. Heaven is love. The universe is love. And to bring heaven to earth? That’s heart-led presence.
Then I remembered I had signed up for a heart chakra workshop — it was already in my calendar. I’d forgotten. Suddenly the breadcrumbs made sense. I didn’t orchestrate it. It was already aligning for me. Guiding me back to the heart. It was like the field conspired to pull me back into coherence.
This wasn’t about new learning. This was deepening. Re-embodiment. Re-initiation. A remembering in my bones before I walk others through it in the Embodied Creation portal.
Sometimes the system has to short-circuit before it recalibrates.
So I remembered the heart. I started coming back as I listened through signs, podcasts, the heart chakra workshop — little threads weaving themselves into one clear message:
The heart is the creative center. The powerhouse of co-creation.
And it is.
The heart produces the electromagnetic field. It’s the coherence — not the mind. The heart is what creates coherence.
And the thing is, I knew that. I’ve known that. I did Joe Dispenza’s work. I’ve studied this. I’ve practiced this.
But sometimes you forget. You veer too far in one direction. And the universe gently — or not so gently — pulls you back. As long as you’re listening, the universe will always call you home.
I’d gone too deep into the mind. Into pushing. Trying to open my third eye wider, like that was the missing piece.
But the third eye was already open.
And still — nothing was landing.
Because coherence doesn’t come from mental clarity.
It comes from the heart.
You can have your brain in flow. You can have your nervous system in deep rest. You can have a beautifully rewired mind and think you’re on track.
But if your heart isn’t in rhythm — you’re not coherent.
Full stop.
And this doesn’t just apply to meditation. You can be doing all the mindset work. All the nervous system regulation. You can appear calm, collected, healed. But if you’re not living from the heart, you’re still operating from 3D. From linear time. Not collapse time. Not the infinite field of possibilities. Not quantum leaps. Not divine alignment.
Because the heart is what connects you to Source.
The heart is the portal to your truth. To your unique soul blueprint. To your purpose. To the field. To co-creation.
If you’re not operating through the heart, you’re not co-creating. You’re forcing.
I was doing all the right things — but I was missing the one thing that actually sends your signal into the field. The thing that connects you back to reality. To presence. To peace.
And now? Now I’m so fucking clear.
I’ve learned the lesson. I look back at myself from two months ago and laugh. Like — what the hell was I even doing? I was a hamster on a wheel, sprinting toward nothing. Seeing every pathway, every possibility, and chasing them all.
Now I still see every path — but I close my eyes, ignore the noise, and take the one next step my heart tells me to take.
Right in front of me.
Because the heart is the portal.
Not the mind.
And this time? It’s embodied.
I’ve been practicing heart coherence daily. Getting into breathing rhythm. Letting my field synchronize.
And the difference? Oh my God. Massive.
In just a couple of weeks, I was calm. Present. Certain. No anxiety. No frantic proving. No endless “how am I going to do it all” looping through my nervous system.
Just peace. Presence.
Because it landed in the body.
And that changed everything.
If I’d heard all this before, I probably would’ve just tucked it into the back of my mind as another truth I knew. But the universe needed me to embody it — for you.
My hardest lessons? They’re not just for me. They’re for you.
That’s the transmission.
And this time, it landed so gracefully. Like it had always belonged there. Like it was never lost — just waiting to be remembered.
Because that’s what this is: a remembering. So deep it bypasses logic, bypasses strategy.
Everything I had been clinging to — evaporated. Gone.
I realized I had mastered the mind. I knew how to think, how to reframe, how to rewire, how to track subconscious patterns and neutralize them.
But I was missing the heart. The elevated emotion. The frequency of love. The coherence. The very fabric of the universe.
And without that? Nothing I was doing was landing. It was all just mechanical. Empty.
The heart is not a mood. It is a command center.
Electromagnetic precision.
It’s the field that tells the universe where you actually stand. It holds your truth. Your frequency. Your soul signature.
It’s the source of coherence.
And I had bypassed it — in the name of efficiency. In the name of getting things done.
And guess what? It sent me back months. Easily three months.
Only when I slowed down — really slowed down — did it all start to click. Like magic. Like a lock finally turning.
I remembered that every identity I was trying to step into, every version of me I thought I needed to download… was still inside the matrix.
Identity is still performance. It’s still playing the game of proving, becoming, chasing.
But the real power? It’s in the I AM.
You don’t need to become anything. You already are.
When you’re playing identity, you’re still playing within the matrix. And that’s okay. You can play the game. But to transcend it? You have to remember you’re beyond it.
We’re not here to optimize our way into success. We’re here to embody it. Live it. Let it move through us.
To walk our path with presence. With stillness. With soul.
And I realized — I hadn’t been living mine.
I’d been projecting myself into five futures at once. Burning out trying to choose. But I wasn’t connected to my truth, so every step I took felt frantic. Hollow.
I thought if I just did enough healing, finished the next course, checked off the next ritual… I’d find the clarity.
But I was outsourcing again. Looking outside myself for answers I already had.
I know this. I teach this. But sometimes even when we’re in a better place — when we’re happy, lit up, building something beautiful — those old patterns sneak back in.
Because it’s subtle. It’s not trauma this time.
It’s subtle conditioning dressed up as strategy.
It’s giving your power away — with a smile on your face.
That’s why the lesson had to come back. To remind me:
What you’re looking for is already in you.
You are already everything you are seeking.
You will never succeed in searching for answers outside of yourself. You won’t find them.
Not by chasing. Not by tweaking. Not by proving.
Only by being.
Now. Here. Now.
The power of now.
Not racing ahead. Not perfecting. Just being.
Wholly. Freely. Truly.
So I stripped it all back.
Stopped multitasking. Stopped turning every download into an offer. Stopped comparing timelines and wondering if I was behind.
And in that stillness, I remembered something vital:
I don’t want a life that looks good from the outside.
I want a life that feels like mine. That is mine.
And it doesn’t matter what that looks like — so long as it’s mine.
This past month — maybe a month and a half — I redefined devotion.
Devotion isn’t performance.
It isn’t a curated altar. It’s presence. It’s what you bring to the most mundane, sacred moments:
Dishwashing. Pouring tea. Oiling your skin. Journaling slowly with music on. Staring out the window doing nothing — and being fully with yourself in that moment.
It’s a return to presence. Again. And again. And again.
And not mind presence. Heart-led presence.
That’s the key.
I used to think I was being present through the mind.
But the difference is vast.
Heart presence turns the moment into the altar.
Drive through the heart. Listen through the heart. Breathe through the heart.
That’s the secret.
And when I started to live like that — the clarity came rushing in.
I want to build from peace. I want to create from stillness. Coach from coherence.
Not just mindset work.
Not just nervous system work.
Not just somatics.
Heart coherence.
Full-body, full-field recalibration for Embodied Creation.
Currently, I’m not trying to be everywhere. I’m holding two things:
My one-on-one container and my private community.
That’s it.
And I’m bringing everything I’ve lived into these spaces:
The slowness. The clarity. The devotion. The precision. The field.
So let me tell you what this one-on-one container really is.
This isn’t a program.
This isn’t a curriculum.
This isn’t another box to climb into.
This is a live, hands-on field lab. A high-frequency portal. An intimate space designed for your remembrance.
We don’t do scripts.
We don’t do rigid frameworks.
We work with what’s alive in your system — in real time. We track your field. Your nervous system. Your signal. What wants to move. What wants to land.
This is for the woman who’s not here to be fixed.
She’s here to remember.
Remember who the fuck she is.
You’ll begin with an alignment form — not just to see if we’re a match, but to open the field.
Then you’ll complete a full energetic blueprint scan:
Your human design, astrology, nervous system, subconscious patterning, and core soul architecture.
From there, we begin with a deep mapping session. We locate the pattern. We identify the portal. We find the pulse beneath the noise.
Then we move through four or more core sessions across four to six weeks — completely tailored to your system and the frequency you’re stepping into.
We use what’s needed:
Human Design. Nervous system recalibration. Subconscious re-patterning. Chakra attunement. Neuro-linguistic programming. Timeline collapse. Hypnosis. Somatics. Trauma resolution.
And most importantly — heart coherence. From day one.
This isn’t about learning.
This is about landing.
Embodiment.
Landing in your body. In your truth. In the timeline that actually belongs to you.
This is for the woman who is done gathering more information — and is ready to build coherence between her voice, her body, her desire, and her life.
Whether you’re new to this work and ready to bypass years of spinning, or deep in it and still wondering why things won’t click…
Whether you feel like you’ve done everything right and something still isn’t integrating…
Or you’re just beginning to wake up to the knowing that there has to be another way…
This is where we meet.
In the middle.
In the real.
In the now.
This space is gentle.
It’s potent.
And it’s designed for precision transformation — guided by truth, not trends.
If this landed in your field…
If you’re done looping through frameworks that don’t fit and ready to move with clarity, presence, and power…
I’d love to walk with you.
If you already feel the pull — the alignment form is linked below.
If you’re feeling resonance but want to connect first — you can book a short discovery call.
No pitch. No pressure. Just presence.
Because the life you’re meant to live?
It’s not five years away.
It’s not on the other side of another certification or breakthrough.
It starts now.
Right here.
Right where you are.
Chop wood.
Carry water.
Make your life the altar.
And everything else will follow.
End Transcript
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